Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Stitching in an alternate universe

Easter recess is one of those blessed foretastes of retirement: time to cook healthy meals instead of ordering take-out at 8:30pm, time to run errands without cramming everything into the lunch hour, time for housekeeping up to the standards of my more energetic youth, time to sit in the sun on the back patio and stitch ... but best of all, time to tackle some sewing finishes.

Now we all know the universe is governed, supposedly, by the laws of Newtonian physics, quantum physics, etc. Well, as I have had time to sit about and mull, I have developed a theory of finishing physics: even during those periods when cross-stitch finishes are few and far between the resulting sewing finishes required will continue to grow in geometric progression in relation to the cross-stitch finishes. How else can I explain the following? A] thus far this year I have completed only eight cross stitch finishes, all but two of which already have been sewn into useful or decorative objects. And, b] the contents of my sewing finish basket are not noticeably diminished, indeed they are overflowing. As 2010 began, I counted 19 "to sew" finishes in the basket, now there are 32. Only 8 new cross-stitch projects were completed, 6 of which received sewing finishes within mere weeks of the cross stitch completion. Logic would indicate that the finishing basket should now contain 27 projects minus the 6 projects that were finished almost immediately leaving a total of 21 projects. My conclusion: stitching and sewing must exist in an alternate universe where the laws of straightforward mathematics simply do not apply. That's my theory and I am sticking to it. After all, I am much too old to return to kindergarten and re-learn counting skills!